Elon Musk’s 2020 foray into creating a “lifestyle brand” tequila may be the perfect example of how a popular-enough celebrity can sell almost anything.
But, as with many celebrity owned or endorsed product lines, I find myself wondering if Tesla Tequila, in particular, was really worth the hype?
Opportunists sure seemed to think so since the product sold out within hours of release at $250 a pop and then immediately cropped up on reseller websites at even more outrageous prices, with some bottles reselling for as much as $2,000.
But the more I dig into it, the more I’m beginning to think the entire thing is a bit of a ripoff?
Legal Loopholes and Musk’s Other “Joke” Products
While the original plan was to go with the name “Teslaquila” for this April Fool’s joke turned alcohol brand, there were some interesting legal quirks surrounding “Tequila” as a regulatory identifier that forced the tech CEO to change the name.
But, not without trying to find a loophole by appealing to the U.S patent office first.
To be fair, launching a lifestyle product in the alcohol market isn’t exactly unusual for Elon Musk if we consider his company’s 2021 experiment, Mission WISE which involved studying the effects of space conditions on wine aging.
His subsidiaries have also dabbled in similar “joke” products like the $500 Tesla Flamethrower and the infamous Short Seller “Short Shorts”.
All of which could be considered successful media stunts. But unlike these previous products, Tesla Tequila is a little bit different because it seems to genuinely consider itself to be a luxury product.
And, I just can’t shake the feeling this tequila brand is trying a little too hard to impress.
An Overdesigned Excuse to Flex
On first glance the lightening bolt-shaped bottles, tucked into brushed-metal stands and triangular sipping glasses are very lux.
Most reviewers agree the metal stands appear to be some kind of plated or polished aluminum-looking metal but have a significant weight to them, which is usually an indicator of quality materials.
Every part of the experience from the “presentation box” to the stand and the glass bottle come emblazoned with the Tesla logo and a two triangular sipping glasses.
Buyers were even invited to round out their collection with an equally slick (and expensive) lightning bolt-shaped decanter as well.
An Instruction Manual for a Bottle of Tequila?
However, after looking at pictures from different people who purchased the bottles, there seems to be a serious issue with the more practical applications of actually using the product. Hence the disclaimer that comes with the commemorative packaging,
“This bottle was handcrafted by skilled artisans, as such it has imperfections and markings that make every bottle unique. Please take care when handling your Tesla Tequila.”
Followed by detailed instructions on how to properly open your Tesla Tequila bottle both on a printed sheet that comes in the box and a sticker that begs you to read the instructions when you first go to open the bottle so you don’t accidentally break it.
Awkward Design Choices Create Practical Problems
The first few thoughts that seem to go through every reviewers head as they do their unboxing go something like this. How do I safely take this bottle out of the presentation box? How do I safely place the bottle in its stand?
Oh no. I lightly touched the metal stand and it instantly became super grubby. Now I need to take the bottle out and wipe the stand clean. And so forth.
Everything from the tiny pouring spout that causes the tequila to dribble down the sides of the bottle to the awkward “sipping glasses” all combine to create a perfect storm of awkward.
And for some reason, every single bottle looks like it’s been dragged through a field of raspberry bushes and covered in a layer of grease whenever anyone tries to take a picture of it outside of a professional product photography environment.
Tesla’s Track Record: A Pattern of Style Over Functionality?
You’d think designing a tequila bottle would be a little easier to get right than a power steering system or literal rocket science. But considering this is Tesla we’re talking about, I suppose I’m not too surprised.
The company has a history of prioritizing form over function, which has led to many inconsistencies during the manufacturing process and a severe lack of attention to detail when it comes to the more practical aspects of life and safety.
Even something as simple as those novelty short shorts came out looking cheap, perpetually wrinkly and poorly designed.
All of which came to a head when we found out the long awaited Cybertruck turned out to be underwhelming and poorly thought out on multiple fronts.
Lackluster Packaging
Setting aside the ridiculous (if cool-looking) bottles being awkward to physically hold and pour, and complaints about it’s unfortunate resemblance to other symbols we’d like to forget the rest of the packaging is very bland.
The “presentation box”, if you want to call it that, somehow manages to embody all the worst minimalist design sins from silicon valley in one mediocre package.
The box is a plain, matt black rectangle with the Tesla logo and some small (also black) print. And, it could easily be mistaken for an iPad box or a pair of Sony headphones because there is really nothing special to make it stand out.
In fact, the packaging is so boring, reviewers often stop mid-review to admire the thin, cheap grey foam insert that comes in the box because there really isn’t much else to look at. And, don’t even get me started on the lettering.
Font Choices That Fade Into Oblivion
While I understand the instinct for a tech brand to use ultra minimal, extra-tiny sans-serif fonts and pair black text on a black box and gold foil on a yellow bottle—something other tequila brands have done well by making sure the lettering is a slightly darker shade than the liquor—
it really doesn’t do much here.
There’s absolutely no contrast to break up the silhouette of the bottle. So, from far away your lightening bolt will look very plain. With the unusual shape pulling most of the weight on the aesthetic side of things.
It just feels so…lazy when Musk could afford any graphic designer he wanted for this project.
The Tesla Mescal bottles seem to overcome some of these design problems by coating the entire thing in a sleek matt black. But I digress. The overall effect just seems to be this dull, cheap-looking novelty item with a fifth of $50 Nosotros’ Anejo Vodka inside.
Maybe a cool, custom backlist display could increase the aesthetic appeal. But, it’d have to be a pretty powerful lighting display because, as this reviewer found out, even shining a light directly through the bottle doesn’t do much.
Still, Elon Musk fans seem more than happy to shell out money for this collectible item. So, I can’t exactly call this a “fail” in the traditional sense.
But I do have a few questions about the quality of the alcohol itself.
Tesla's "Limited Edition" Claim Might Be a Bit of a Stretch
There’s a lot of debate regarding just how many of these bottles actually exist. And, to professional collectors details like; the distillery’s reputation, brand popularity, quantity and product demand can make a huge difference in how much they’re willing to pay.
These factors might prove critical as avid Elon Musk fans attempt to resell their “investment” to buyers outside the initial hype circle as his political career drags on.
In the wine and liquor world, “ultra-rare” is generally reserved for runs of 1, 000 bottles or less. With most high-end, limited edition tequila brands ranging from 15-30 bottles total, making them extremely exclusive.
By comparison, Tesla Tequila’s production numbers are much higher. According to early PR statements the original run of 20,000 sold out immediately. Then the website was restocked approximately four months later and sold out again. Followed by an additional run of 420, individually numbered limited edition bottles. Which would put Tesla Tequila firmly on the upper end for “limited-edition” production.
On the one hand, this wider distribution has made Tesla Tequila more accessible to young or amateur alcohol collectors prolonging the hype. But on the other hand, it means there is a potential for huge disparity between the value of numbered and unnumbered bottles. Which could lead to a lot of confusion in secondary markets.
This lack of transparency could also significantly muddy the waters if it turns out Tesla Tequila bottles are not as rare as collectors think they are, prices could plummet as more bottles appear on online marketplaces and forums.
What's Up With The Tequila's Color?
While researching for this deep-dive I came across a reviewer who described Tesla Tequila as “White Wine Colored” with a “Vodka smell” which gave me pause.
I don’t know a lot about Tequila but it seemed odd to me that the tinted bottles effectively mask the true color of the alcohol making it look more in line with the honey or amber color you’d traditionally expect from a quality, aged Añejo tequila.
But, when poured into a clear glass it’s unusually light in color. Which is uncommon, but apparently not entirely unheard of when it comes to Anejo Tequila.
So, I did a little more digging.
What Exactly is Anejo Tequila?
For a tequila brand to be certified by the Consejo Regulador del Tequila (CRT) as Anejo, it *must* be aged in oak barrels for a minimum of one year by law. And, despite the initial legal troubles between Tesla and the CRT over the name “Teslaquila”, they did apparently manage to secure their certification by the end of the process.
But, where is that light color coming from?
I Have Some Theories
Most of the reviewers I came across made it clear from the beginning they were not “tequila people” and primarily purchased the product out of FOMO or a desire to profit off of a potential investment opportunity.
But this specific group reacted very positively during the taste test to the strength of the alcohol. While giving the impression that the alcohol itself was very neutral, almost tasteless in flavour.
However, many of the reviewers who did consider themselves tequila drinkers tended to describe Tesla Tequila as “mid” or underwhelming compared to cheaper options on the market. So, allow me some quick, wild speculation.
While there is a minimum aging requirement for something to be required Anejo Tequila, there are no maximums. It’s entirely possible Tesla Tequila was quickly conceived, registered and distilled to push to market as quickly as legally possible in very light, new oak barrels.
And/or aggressively filtered or artificially lightened in some way to soften the flavour profile and make it more appealing to a broad audience while maintaining its CRT-credentials.
What Does This Mean?
I’m not entirely sure to be honest. I don’t know very much about Tequila distillation and couldn’t find definitive answers for all my questions. But, I think Tesla Tequila is a fascinating microcosm of the much larger issues that continue to slowly degrade Tesla’s reputation with the general public.
At first glance, Tesla Tequila, like many of the brand’s other projects, presents an illusion of a sleek, premium luxury product. This initial allure and the “Tesla” name initially overshadow the actual contents of the product.
The rush of excitement surrounding the product, fueled by Tesla’s fanbase and Musk’s persona drive sales. Tesla makes a lot of money, and everyone is a buzz with excitement. But then, after the hype begins to wear off customers start to see the contents for what they really are.
Rushed, poorly conceived, generic concepts that are all style and very little substance. Many collectors didn’t even bother drinking the tequila.
Instead dumping it out on sidewalks for views or so they could quickly turn around and resell the empty bottles on eBay for profit.
Maybe that sound harsh. And, I can’t fault Elon Musk for wanting to make as much money as possible off of his name while it lasts. But, I’m not sure how sustainable this model will be in the long-term.
Consumers may be willing to overlook these discrepancies for a while, but as the novelty wears off, they may start demanding more from the brand than just a flashy exterior and a rapidly aging meme lord.
But the longer Tesla doesn’t fail, the harder it will be to pivot because these patterns are deeply engrained into the money machine they’ve built.
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